suitcases.

Since Freedom Day last week, God's been refining my heart. He's chipped away at the shards of bitterness and frustration that were clinging to it because of my scoliosis, and He's somewhat begun to blur the memories of difficult days lived through and tears wiped away because I didn't want to deal with this anymore.... and what I'm left with is a thankful heart. Oh, and it's a happy one too. I really am thankful for these two and a half years. They weren't all bad, just colored a bit by that shell, one both physical and mental, that I was dealing with. And I've come to the realization that the scoliosis that I lived with for over two and a half years was a suitcase I had to carry as I traveled life for a few years. Though some days, it seemed heavier than others, I carried it. And carried it. Maybe one of the reasons it felt so heavy was because I tried to hide it so much.

Last Wednesday, I left that particular suitcase behind. I hopped on a new train without it, for once, and I still don't now where that train's destination is yet. Maybe there's no set destination, maybe living with it then moving on without it is simply the next step in life for me. Regardless, that suitcase is behind me, and I am never going back for it.

And for those who have asked, the brace did not necessarily cure my scoliosis. I will always have a non-straight spine. The purpose of the brace was to stop the curve from getting any worse, and in doing so to avoid surgery. I'll always have it, and I'm perfectly okay with that. God thoughtfully made me this way, so how could I not be okay with it, right?

But I am making plans. If you know me personally, you know that I'm a bit of a planner. I schedule things, I have calendars {yes, plural}, I make lists, I write out goals, and I go a little crazy sometimes if every little detail of my week isn't planned out. Somehow that level of organization has yet to consistently translate into some specific other parts of my life, i.e. my room + closet, my laptop {it's full of random folders}, and my photo archive on my laptop. I'm working on it! But back to these plans of mine. I'm writing out goals, plans, and things I want to do soon.

Funny how once a certain distraction is eliminated, you're more free to focus on living a full life. These goals include doing a photoshoot per week. For those of you who do not know, I'm pursuing photography as my career. I've already done a few shoots, but I am making a point to get a little practice every week, to grow just a little bit more with each passing week. I'm excited, to say the least!

Other aspirations? They're still formulating in this mind of mine. I'm sure you'll hear of them sometime in the free days to come. For now, I'm traveling light.


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