3.03.2011

the brace post, part one

The Trip. Yesterday, my mom and I took a trip. It took about 45 minutes to get there. I wish it had been for something fun like shopping... but instead? I was going to the doctor. I've never talked about this before on my blog (I don't think...) but I have scoliosis bad enough that I wear a back brace. It hurts pretty much all of the time, but I usually can forget about it if I distract myself. Anyway, I had my six month check-up of sorts yesterday.


Many people describe that feeling of vague nervousness as having butterflies in their stomach. Well, if that's the case, they were having a party or something yesterday, because as we drove the windy roads, I was kind of quiet, a bit edgy, and short with my mom, too... oops. See, I hate this thing. Can we just put that out there? It's kind of / sort of / maybe awful. And I was really hoping that I'd be able to just wear it at night, starting after this appointment. Long story short, my hopes were up too high.


The News. I won't be able to start wearing it at night only until around the first week of July. I get to start wearing it two hours less per day starting today, which is lovely, mind you, but it's not what I had in mind. Every two weeks that six hours gets increased by an hour. Also lovely. But easing into it isn't near as fun or comfortable as just snapping your fingers and poof! you're out of it for all day. Looking back now, I was unwilling to accept anything but what I wanted. Not a good way to be- it was in God's hands, not mine, anyway.


So, once I got back to the car, I'll be honest... I cried a bit. I cried out my disappointment, and then choked up on every phone call I made to my loving family, who'd been waiting for the details on this appointment (they hate the brace as much as I do). But then, you take a deep breath, and you have to move on. What else is there to do? So, we drove to Steak and Shake, ordered dinner and the biggest diet vanilla Cokes on their menu, and I tried to forget about that miserable piece of plastic that, for me, represents more frustration, annoyance, embarrassment, and pain than most people realize. And you know what? It worked. Turns out sipping that enormous diet vanilla Coke while chatting with your Mom and watching a random video of a baby laughing it's sweet little head off on our iPad can make you feel better. And so do a trip to Fresh Market and Borders before spending an hour and a half with friends that love me like crazy, and that I love more than they'll ever know.

don't you love taking a picture of yourself taking a picture? strangely fun. anyway... 
Don't waste your cancer back brace. Maybe this whole thing seems pretty dramatic, weird, and not a big deal. But to me, it is. It's painful. It's so tight that eating is uncomfortable sometimes, it's miserable especially in the summer, and it downright stinks. But what can I do? Complaining isn't gonna take it away. Only God can do that. But I'm not about to waste the time I have left in this thing. I came across this blog the other day... she had cancer, and her motto through it all was "don't waste your cancer". Well, I'm not about to waste the time I have left in this thing. You'd better believe that I'm going to do something with this time. I have some idea of what I could do... but I'm still thinking about it. Look out people- the brace post, part 2 is coming soon to a blog near you. Watch out. :)

At the end of the day, I looked back and sighed at my mess-ups, my flops, and my mini-failures... I wish I had not been so worried or wrapped up in what was going to happen. Not my job. It's His. I wish I hadn't wasted energy on what I didn't even know. I wish I'd been more courageous. But then I came across this today.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." ~Mary Anne Radmacher

Good stuff, right? In any case... thanks for sticking through to the end of this post.... if you even made it this far. Any prayers you can send up on this girl's behalf would be lovely. It's only with God's help that I could have made it this far. That's all for now. Thanks for listening!! Oh, and if you or someone you know and love has scoliosis... please email me or leave a comment, because we all need to come around each other and be an encouragement to each other in the midst of it... this stuff is tough.


Don't waste your hardship. Don't waste your pain. Turn it around, and do something astounding with it... because you can.
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7 comments:

  1. I'm praying for the pain to be eased, and for the brace to come off eventually! There are definitely times that things get really, really tough... but just like you said, little things can make it better, if even for a while. Hope I'm being encouraging, and not sounding like a broken record. Have a blessed evening!

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  2. Oh, I'll be sure to pray for you!!!! It can be hard, going through these trials in life.....but God always gives us the strength to get through them. (:

    And yes, milkshakes and a talk with Mom are just the thing to cheer you up!!!

    ~Lily

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  3. What amazing young woman you are. Many many moons ago lon before school and whe I lived across the street from my grandma and grandpa's house one of my closet friends I remember had scoliosis and she had to wear a huge back brace all the time. i have never forgotten my amazing friend. We moved when i was very young but she lived down the street from grandma and grandpa's so I would see her sometimes when we visited. I will surely pray for you.
    I am sure you are going to do something super amamzing with this time and bring light to this issues to help others that suffer as you have. But KNOW You have th VICTORY in HIM as HE paid the full price 2000 years ago and you are the healed in Jesus name.
    Blessings

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  4. Anonymous5:31 PM

    Praying

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  5. I don't know anyone who has scoliosis. But I have known many people who have gone through trials you wouldn't wish on anyone. When my aunt faced the worst storm of her life, a songwriter friend of hers wrote a song for her. I'm not sure of the exact title but the song said "Don't let this storm go to waste...don't let my suffering be in vain..." I'm not sure if the song was ever recorded but it might be something that would lift your spirits right now. Good luck to you.

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  6. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this! :( I will definitely be praying for you!

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  7. Definitely praying for you, girl. The crazy thing is, God has a plan with all this, and He'll somehow use it for His glory. Hard to wrap your head around, but keep your chin up! You're God's work of art, just the way you are, and He's got a plan for you. Check out the song Someone's Work of Art by Sixteen Cities. It's helped me through quite a few tough spots. Love yah, chicka!

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